touch my swag, wish you could.

Either my body needs to learn how to stop bruising, or I need to learn how to stop slamming into inanimate objects.

This is on my mind because, naturally, I just walked right into the bathroom doorframe. My left shoulder didn’t quite make it through. At least I didn’t hit my leg this time—a lovely bluish-yellow line is still visible on my thigh from last Friday’s bedroom door collision. Granted, it was before 6 a.m., and I really can’t be expected to dodge these things in the dark and morning delirium. Doorframes aren’t my only issue, though. They normally only catch my shoulders, whereas doorknobs bang up my hipbone, and the coffee table nearly brakes my shins every time I walk through the living room. And, since I’m confessing all sides of my inability to walk, I’ve also been known to shut the door on my own leg (did I really not notice that I hadn’t slipped all the way out yet?). Nearly every day I find faint bruises, and I run into stuff so often that I have a hard time figuring out how I acquired them. I think the time has come for me to finally own up to the truth…

This obviously has something to do with my swag.

I recently learned that I have “a walk”. A teenager at the Shelter, where I work, asked me what I was like in high school. Not sure what she was looking to know, I said, “Cool, of course.” I laughed and she cocked her head with her hand on her hip, waiting for a more detailed answer. “Well, I was cool with my friends. I wasn’t in the party-happy in-crowd, but those kids were nice to me, so I guess I had it pretty good. I liked where I was at. Why?”

“Because,” she said, “you walk like you were cool. You know, like you were the kind of girl who could get away with whatever she wants. I can just picture you walkin' down the hall like a bad a--I mean, like someone who owned the place.” I keeled over laughing as a couple of other girls circled around us. “She has a walk, right? Don’t you think Miss Sara must’ve been cool in high school?”

“Yeah, Miss Sara! You totally have a walk.”

“It’s true! You do, Miss!” The girls all nodded and reassured me about my coolness, which was highly amusing and somehow flattering, even if I did make them walk in front of me the rest of our way back to the Shelter.

I’m glad that teenagers can read so much into my walk, but it’d really be nice if doorframes and furniture would follow suit. Show a little respect. Give the distance a cool kid like me deserves.